Mirrors are "portals" to other worlds

When I was little I used to be completely obsessed with mirrors, among other things. After watching the rugrats episode “mirror-land” I started studying myself in front of the mirror. At some point I convinced myself that the person I was seeing wasn’t even really me. I remember talking to the girl who looked like me in hopes that one day she would talk back. I would make weird faces at her when I was mad, hoping that she would get mad at me and make a face back. At first this idea fascinated me. What if everyone had a "mirror self"? What if everyone’s mirror-self was someone else who just happened to look like them and coincidently went to the mirror at every instance they did? I mean that could happen, right? But the difference is they were the complete opposite of you.  I decided to call it opposite world. Later I started wondering that if that was “Opposite world” and I was the good one then that would have to make the girl in the mirror the bad one. Around this period in time my mind went wild.  Suppose she only did everything I did to mock me and when I left she laughed at me because I was completely oblivious of her future plan to kill me and take my place in the real world. Maybe mirror-land wasn’t satisfying her enough?

 Well, she had another thing coming to her because I was fully aware of her “plan” and so for the next few weeks as long as I didn’t break the mirror, I was aloud to “stalk myself”…..I was 7 ok?!I remember hiding, waiting for my “mirror me” to appear so I could jump out n call her out on her evil plan. Even once I left my Gameboy in the bathroom because, let’s be frank, no one can resist playing with a Gameboy. I left it right there on the counter in front of the mirror, in hopes I’d catch her playing with it. However she was always one step ahead of me, and to my knowledge my Gameboy remained untouched.

Around some time it occurred to me that if my evil twin could get to me in the real world the perhaps I could get to her too. So I started “feeling” on the mirror, truly believing that at any instant my hand would go over to the other side, almost like a portal. A first I thought I didn’t believe in it enough and then I thought maybe there was something I had to say, like a spell to get to the other side. But I never got there.

 This theory lasted about a year and although I did stop stalking myself and went back to my normal kid life I still would always give my mirror image “the look”. The kind of look parents give their children saying I know what you’re up to and you better stop it right now or else you’re in big trouble mister! Even today I do that every once in a while. But I’m starting to think maybe she’s not so evil anymore. J

Do you ever feel the desire to get up on the  roof on the highest building you can find and just stand there and scream? Scream so loud that children will clutch their parents, animals will cower indoors, scientists won't even assume its a human noise their hearing? I do. I've been filled with so many difficult emotions for so long it feels like Im about to explode. 

Instead of looking for the beauty in the world I can only see the darkness of it all, the superficial and selfish qualities a good percentage of people possess. The cloudy days where the sun refuses to come out making the trees look dead as if they too have given up hope. I want to look around and see the beauty again. See all the possibilities and dreams I thought were possible when I was a child. See the joy and love we all had for each other. 

 Remember the days before texting and facebook obsessions began? When you actually had to have face to face conversations? When you were nervous to say "I love you" because one look on the persons face could tell if that person truly loved you back? Now, its all just "ily" and "lol". I cant even remember the last time I've had a true conversation with someone that wasn't through texting. 

 Maybe its just NYC, who knows. I've never been much of a city person anyhow, But I can no longer find any beauty here. I feel like im drowning, surrounded by too many people who seem like mechanical robots. Everytime im waiting for a train or an elevator now it seems like all i see is people with their heads down burried into their cell phones; barely even present with reality and more interested in a virtual world thats not even real. This is the downside to technology. 

When you're on your death bed do you think you will contemplate about all the times you've logged on facebook?, liked a status? Or will your family and real friends be more important?...

I think now would be the perfect time for a road trip; just a few days to clear my mind, get everything back in perspective and find what i really want out of life. If only life were that easy that one could just get up and go. But its not so ill settle for posting my thoughts and feelings on here :).