Just a Dreamer?

Sometimes I guess I dream to much. Daydream really. This goes beyond sitting bored in class and doodling in my notebook. I daydream even when I’m not bored. My mom thinks it’s bad, she use to encourage it but now it’s just annoying. I think about the craziest things, things that other teenagers probably don’t think about, or might have grown out of by now. I feel so alone sometimes. Sometimes I like it, other times I don’t. Sometimes I still feel like a kid. You know that feeling you use to have, where you tried to turn everything into an adventure? The world was exciting and new.Your crazy thoughts were more than just thoughts? Aliens and witches and monsters existed! I love those thoughts; that monsters still exist. I can never tell anyone though because they wouldn't understand. I tried telling my ex-boyfriend once about my theory how people from the future take trips back into the past and perhaps we've possibly walked into one and had a chat for a while. He thought that was completely bonkers. So instead I just keep my thoughts to myself. Safe in the world in my mind. Real life could never measure up to my imagination.

I don’t know how to change. Sometimes I don’t want to but I feel like I must. I feel like I should be normal, obsessed with boys and makeup and shopping for shoes. Shopping for shoes has probably got to be the most boringest thing in the world to me but its supposed to be one of the greatest pastimes for females. 

People think I’m weird and I do too when I can’t relate to other teen issues. I feel like if I don’t change I’ll be heading for the loony bin in a few years. I know I can’t be crazy though, I know the difference between reality and fantasy. But it just so happens I like fantasy better. And that’s not to say I like dragons and witches and fairies more than real life. I daydream about almost everything and that includes things in my real life I want to change. I’ll think back on past experiences and obsess on how I could have said something or did something different to change the outcome. But sometimes when I get tired of the sadness of my real life I will escape into my fantasy world. My world where everything is almost perfect and strange, the way I like it. 

If I'm reading a book or watching a  movie that really catches my interest even in my mind ill live in their world for a few days. Ill make up more scenarios or become a character I really admire. I imagine the craziest things like what it would feel like to live underwater, or be the only person left in the world. Those thoughts are my favorite. The what ifs.

Im writing this because I feel so alone. I’m in college and a good student  and I don’t feel immature. But sometimes it seems like I am because of my interests. I try to turn my thoughts into a positive outlet by writing stories for kids and I hope to someday write a children's book. That way ill have someone who enjoys my stories. But I guess im just writing this because I've been holding it in for so long and finally need to release. I don’t think being a dreamer is a bad thing. I think it makes me special and I think anyone else who does it is special too. I just wish more people understood me instead of labeling me as weird.